Beyond Your Limits with Dr. Christine Jehu

125. Living Beyond Limits after Divorce: Post-Divorce Evolution

• Dr. Christine Jehu

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A year ago, I told my ex-wife I wanted a divorce. What a difference a year makes. Today, I share with you about the last 12 months, not dwelling on the pain of the separation but focusing on the healing, growth, and evolution that unfolded. Navigating this significant transition, I've discovered five crucial areas of focus that have grounded me and facilitated a growth beyond my own expectations.

As we venture further into my story, you'll learn about re-engaging with life through relationships, emotions, and gratitude. Saying 'yes' more often, leaning into my emotions, and cultivating a sense of gratitude have opened doors to more fulfilling relationships and emotional growth. I've invited new people into my life, immersed myself in journaling while verbalizing my feelings, and focused on the good aspects of my emotional experiences. 

I invite you to tune in, join our podcast community, and share your thoughts. It's a journey of recognizing and accepting our limits, then daring to live beyond them. Come, let's venture beyond the limits together.

Journaling prompts from today's episode:

  • Where were you a year ago and what were you experiencing?
  • What were some of the key events, experiences, and decisions you made over the past year?
  • How have relationships and environment impacted you over the past year
  • What opportunities do you have in the coming 12 months? What lessons to carry forward?

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Dr. CJ:

hey, hey, how is it going? We are back, coming off of a holiday weekend here in the US, if you are listening in real time Happy post-labor day. Is that what we say? I don't know. Is that a thing? Let's make it a thing. Anyways, hope you had a restful, enjoyable weekend. I know I definitely laid low. I've been dealing with some health stuff and nobody can really find out what the heck is going on with me and it's really frustrating. And so I finally had some good energy this weekend and did some things around the house and had a little bit of rest and got back to working out. So we'll see. We'll see how long this lasts. Thankfully, we have a four day week, four day work week ahead, so little compact, but a little bit of a more intense schedule for me this week than I was working with last week. So, anyhow, this is not the Jehu update show.

Dr. CJ:

Okay, two quick things before we jump into today's episode. If you've been here, you know we launched the Daily Pages last week. I'm so excited and really, really I'm proud of this tool. It's something that I have used for the past six years. I even dove into the pages this past week. Going through the monthly outlook journal prompts really giving myself a space, a contained space, to use to explore and plan out for the podcast. So that's one of the ways that I've been thinking this past week after we launched it and folks have been getting into it and giving me their feedback and their excitement around it.

Dr. CJ:

Last week's episode if you're brand new here, episode 124 gives you the deep dive into the elements of the daily pages. So if you haven't listened to that, you can get in the show notes the link to download the download the guide. It'll come to you in your inbox just like moments after you sign up for it. Sorry, I don't know why my words are like fumbling right now, because the if you haven't received an email from me in the past, it may get filtered to your spam. So go ahead and take a look there. If you don't see it straight away, the title will say your daily pages are here, something to that effect. So, anyhow, as I've been using it, I was thinking, hey, if there's a part of your life that you're really trying to explore and contain, you could use the daily pages for that specific reason and purpose. It doesn't have to be, it can be for life in general, but you can dig in and get a little bit more contained for an area of your life. So, anyhow, make sure you get your daily pages. I cannot wait to see you using it and hear what you're thinking. As always, please share it on social media. Tag me, tag the pod beyond. Nope, we are, I was about to say, beyond the couch. We are not beyond the couch anymore. Hold your limits pod on Instagram, make sure you tag me. I cannot wait to see that and share an accountability with you.

Dr. CJ:

And the other piece is the insiders list. So in the past, with beyond the couch, I was sending out weekly emails, and most weeks, let's be real. But I want to bring the email list back and so the insiders list is going to be, yeah, episode related things, but I'm also going to give you more behind the scenes, give you some insight into products I'm using and loving just a little bit of a more intimate space for us to connect. We can email back and forth through that. So make sure that you go to the show notes and get on that list. If you were on the beyond the couch insiders list, I am asking you to sign up for this one specifically. I don't want to make assumptions and just roll people over from beyond the couch insiders to beyond your limits, cause you know we got a little bit of a different vibe. So if you wouldn't mind, go ahead and re-sign up, I will get that list going, probably in a couple of weeks. You know, as we're, as we're relaunching and I'm getting some of my systems set back up, the email is is to come Okay. So enough of the announcements, enough of holiday talk.

Dr. CJ:

Today I want to talk to you about what a difference a year makes. As I was navigating this weekend, it hit me that a year ago today, as I'm recording this episode, I told my ex-wife that I wanted a divorce, and that got me thinking about the past year and all the things that have changed, all the ways that I have grown and worked to heal and evolved. And this episode is not going to be about the divorce. I honestly, will probably Never share about the divorce on the podcast, at least not In what I'm thinking right now. I just doesn't feel Right. But I will talk about my process, right, and how, how I've navigated this massive Change. It's a huge change with a lot of Varying emotions, a lot of conflicting emotions, so, yeah, so today what I want to talk about is like how I navigated the healing and re-engaging in life after such a huge change.

Dr. CJ:

And there are I'm counting this on my list five areas that I want to talk about, and the first one is environment. And for me I'm not sure if I've talked about this before, but physical environment is super, super important to me, and I I Laugh because when I was going through grad school I always said to people you know, if this whole psychology thing doesn't work out, my backup plan in life is interior decorating. And then I would laugh and look around my home and say, well, you know, you'd never be able to tell from this, because I was on a grad students budget and had a bunch of hand-me-down furniture and Mismatched things here and there and really just trying to to make it work, because that wasn't my focus and I was, like you know, with other people's money. I've always enjoyed Spaces and the energy that can be created with how we curate a space. I love watching HGTV and all of those pieces going into furniture stores and Home design and decor stores and just dreaming right, dreaming up if I had Unlimited funds or even just more than what I currently had, how I would create a space.

Dr. CJ:

And you know, I think about color psychology. There's all sorts of really good information. Sorry, I'm pausing because I just got these really cool wall stickers calendar wall stickers and two of them just Peeled off the wall as I'm sitting here talking and it's they can be very sad. Okay, anyhow, I digress. I think about color psychology and just the the impact of grounding through our senses and how our environment can truly be a, a container, for lack of a better word of containment for us, for grounding, right, when we think about the Everything that we can see, right, there's value in what's on the wall and the different decor that we have. What smells are in the home, from cooking to candles, and I've got the, the wax burners, so I always have different scents going through the home. Textures, right, the, the power of touch, and thinking about how can we bring in different textures in the home through blankets and rugs and just the visual textures. You know what, what does that? What does that do for us? What can that do for us?

Dr. CJ:

And so, early on in the last 12 months, I did some rearranging and did some painting and brought in as simple as getting two new bath, two new rugs for the bathroom, to just shift a space. And that again was a grounding. You know it was on the floors two different textures, some different colors that hadn't been in this space before, and really allowing myself to go through, target and identify what I was feeling drawn to in that moment, in that season, and make a few purchases, I shifted around furniture in the home. Um, nearly immediately when I was on my own again, and that again just shifts up the energy. It created for a new flow to move through the home. Uh it, it challenged the eye right, because it was. I wasn't seeing what I was used to always seeing, and that's what I needed. I needed a change, a physical representation, if you will, of this new phase of life that I was entering into. And it didn't all happen at once, even, um, even just in the last few months, I got some new living room furniture. Thanks, mom and um.

Dr. CJ:

This weekend, as I was, I was sitting on the couch and I was starting to feel better from, from having not felt well all week. I was like I have to move this furniture around and I started vacuuming and wiping down walls and shifting, shifting the furniture around and I wasn't quite sure how I was gonna like it. But as I've been sitting in it for the last few days, it, it feels like a hug, the way that the, the couch is situated and where, again, the, the visual right of where the eye goes, how I feel differently relaxed sitting in the couch. It just feels right. It just feels right. And again, the energy piece right it, it brings up a new energy and is providing space for healing at this phase of the of the healing process. And then today I did the same thing in the gym. I just moved a shelf and a tv from one side of the room to the other and cleared up some clutter, cleared up some cobwebs and changed a couple of things on the wall, and it just feels right and I'm rolling with it.

Dr. CJ:

I tend to be a person that everything has its place and its space, and I don't shift up the energy a lot, but I'm finding that, as I'm feeling drawn to do it, I'm allowing it, I'm allowing moves to happen. So I'm curious for you, you know, are there pieces in your environment that could use an energy shift? You don't have to be going through a major life transition, but we are about to transition seasons, right? So is there an opportunity to make a small shift with your environment? Okay, so the second piece? And well, let me, let me not go there.

Dr. CJ:

The second piece is relationships. Right, like the ending of one significant relationship, I I realized how disconnected from community I had been, and so I started saying yes to invitations that, prior to to this change in my life, I probably wouldn't have responded to or I wanted to say no to them for whatever reason. Right, put me out of my comfort zone. I, you know, I felt nervous. I didn't think I would have anything to say, whatever it was. So as I got invitations, I said yes and I went and I leaned in. I was open, more open with folks about what I was going through. I didn't pretend I was okay when I actually wasn't and you know, I leaned in and was open to introductions and welcoming some new people into my life that I never would have met or have had the opportunity to meet if I wasn't saying yes to some of those prior invitations. And so that was a huge part of re-engaging in life and re-engaging with myself.

Dr. CJ:

I'm a very social person and I hadn't been in the last few years and that was really missing. When I think back to some of my favorite memories from college and from right after college, it was surrounded by community and just hanging out and going, dancing and simply sharing time and space and booze and food with one another, and I'm really striving to get back to that. I think it's harder right when we're adults, and not that you're not an adult in college and after college, but as our lives have developed, probably more so around career, and we move, at least for me. I've relocated a number of times and haven't settled into building community and so really focusing on those relationships and I have work to do, and part of that is around healing and feeling like I have things to talk about that are relationship builders, and just having more experiences right like getting out and saying yes to invitations, gives you more to reflect on and connect on and share about. So relationships, that's the second category of what I have really been leading into in the last 12 months.

Dr. CJ:

The third one which, coming from a psychologist, you would probably be like uh, uh, but it's emotions. And I will tell you, though I am a psychologist, I have not always been super connected to my emotions. I am a person and you might relate to this that I'll have an experience and I'll know like, hmm, that's sitting with me in a certain way, but I don't have the words for it right now, or I'll notice a shift and a reaction in my body, but I won't have the language for it right away. Until I've had time to complete that experience, step away from it, process it, sleep, do a little bit of journaling and then sometimes it's, you know, a couple of hours later but it can also be two, three days later where I'm like Whoa, I was feeling sad or angry or elated, you know whatever it is in the moment. And so I've been leaning more into what are these emotions, what are the shifts that I'm feeling? I'm trying to ride the wave, doing a lot of journaling about it, trying to verbalize it too right.

Dr. CJ:

So part of building those relationships that I talked about before is having safety in the relationships that I'm really leaning into and being vulnerable with those people and saying like, hey, I am a psychologist who doesn't really talk about their emotions and so can I have some space to talk through this and me also being willing to revisit an experience that might have happened with somebody else and talk through it. Right, not have it be a okay, well, it happened, and now we're a few days away. I can't bring it back Like that's not, that's not true. We can always talk about them and strong relationships are able to navigate that and to revisit and to bring space for that and honor what the other person is experiencing, right. Those, those connected, safe, healthy relationships and I teach something to to our student athletes.

Dr. CJ:

When we talk about stress, that you know it takes about 90 seconds for an emotion to move through us. So if we can like especially the ones, you know, when they're really intense and we think, oh gosh, I need to shut down or I need to run away from this but if we can, if we can navigate that emotional experience for 90 seconds, you think of this, of a big wave coming through and maybe you get tossed around as you get closer to shore, you might lose your footing, you might even swallow some saltwater, right, but we will come out of it and once that water, the emotion, the wave retreats back. We have a little bit of space to reground, get ourselves to safety and assess what was going on. And so I'm working on that too, of recognizing okay, here's a really heightened emotion, what's going on. Oh, all of a sudden, here's, here's some, some tears or you know, something's going on here, what is it? And and start to ride that and be open, be open to surfing, right, do some emotional surfing?

Dr. CJ:

So emotions is another one, and there's been a lot of that, as I've been reengaging with relationships and as I've been really intentional with my environment. Things are happening under the surface that I'm like, oh right, it's like an awakening of sorts. And so to truly be open and lean into the emotions has been, honestly, it's been a beautiful gift that I've been able to give myself. And along with the emotions comes gratitude, and you know, if you've, if you've gotten your daily pages, you know that a foundational piece of that is a gratitude practice and checking in daily of, hey, what's going well, what do I have to be thankful for? Having a lot of grounding again through that emotional experience, what am I learning? What? What's the good here? And being in nature has really helped with this a lot.

Dr. CJ:

And, excuse me, having trained for 29029, I did a lot of walks, I spent a lot of time outside and there's so much, so much to be thankful for out in nature. And we take out, take out the music. Yes, if you're listening to the podcast, I will even say pause, pause, take your headphones out and truly be immersed in the experience of being in nature. And there is so much, so much to look around and be thankful for the fact that you can even be out in nature, hopefully in a safe space, maybe the sun shining, maybe the weather is getting a little bit cooler, hopefully we're going to have leaves dropping to the ground that we can step on and crunch, which is, oh my gosh, one of my favorite things to do. I will walk in a zigzag path if it means that I get to crunch more leaves. I am that friend. So if you are a leaf cruncher, please let me know. Let me know that you are a leaf cruncher.

Dr. CJ:

And then the last area was stepping into a challenge for me, right, something that was and is a hundred percent for me. And if you've guessed it and you've been here for a minute, you know it's the 29029 Everesting Challenge, which I can't say more about that experience. There are episodes all about it where I I recapped what that experience was like this year. But you know, part of the reason why a challenge helped and this challenge in particular, because it had such a significant training connected to it is that it helped with structure, it helped with routine, it helped with commitment and it was a commitment to myself and it was a time where I was really able to focus on rebuilding myself physically, emotionally and and focusing on yeah, building up after feeling torn and worn down. And so I also I'm a fan of a challenge and trying to shake things up, maybe do something different, adjust your routine.

Dr. CJ:

So many of us, especially post pandemic, I just felt like I was in this rut and doing the same thing over and over again. And so this challenge, while it was very structured and consistent in terms of of what I was doing endurance training is not something that that I ever thought I would do. But here we are, having done it two years in a row. So, yeah, the structure, the routine, it just provided grounding. Again, I keep coming back to this thought of grounding and containment In a year when A lot was changing. A lot was changing and there was a lot of healing to be done and, honestly, we can heal so much through moving our body and so that was really, really important.

Dr. CJ:

Okay, so there, there, there it is. What a difference a year makes. I'm sure I could do a whole episode on all of those areas in and of themselves. I mean, shoot, I have done episodes all about 29 or 29. And so I could, I could talk probably all day about the other areas. So that for me, right, that's that's what this last year has has had and some of the the pieces that helps me get through, and so, as we do here, right, I have some journaling prompts for you when you think for yourself a reflection on the last year, and I'll absolutely drop these in the show notes so you don't have to grab them right here. They'll be in there for you.

Dr. CJ:

So, just a general open where were you a year ago and what were you experiencing? I don't think we often take enough time to look back 12 months, especially when it's not the new year, so I invite you think back. What were you doing a year ago? What were you experiencing? Where were you? What was going on? What were some of the?

Dr. CJ:

Your second prompt here is what were some of the key events or experiences or decisions that you made over the past year? Your year may not be marked by a big decision, like mine was, but I guarantee you there were decisions that you had to make that led to experiences that were part of key events. Like, think back and maybe, if you need to pull up your planner sometimes I don't remember some of the the big things that happened, especially if they were a bit more challenging or possibly traumatic, and you know that prompt is, you know what were they, but then dig into it, right, don't? You can list them out. I think it's helpful to list them out, but spend some time thinking on each of them. What was the impact? What did you learn what? What did you experience? And then your third prompt how have relationships and environment impacted you over the last year? And then the fourth prompt is what opportunities do you have in the coming 12 months and what lessons from this last year do you have to carry forward?

Dr. CJ:

Now I realize this is a lot of prompts and, depending on what your year looked like, this could go very nicely and very quickly. And then for some of you, it may be a bit more challenging, like it was for me. And so journal prompts are always a guide. They are not a mandate. You can take them wherever you want them to go, which is the joy of journaling, right? It opens us up to see what's there, to learn more about ourselves. And this may be something where you take one of the prompts and you do one prompt for a day, for four days, and see where it takes you. Maybe you do one prompt and you meditate and think on it for the whole week and you use these four prompts as you go through the month of September. You could write about it in your daily pages. It's a great way to put pen to paper if you're like I don't know what to write about. These are some journal prompts and reflections for you All right, thank you for being here.

Dr. CJ:

Thank you for holding the space for this episode.

Dr. CJ:

It feels really vulnerable to have shared this and also weird that I haven't shared it with you before. But here we are. I would love to ask for you to share this episode with three friends. Send them the link to this episode to the daily pages episode. Send it to them directly so they know where to find us. And then I would absolutely love if you could leave a five-star rating and review on Apple and or Spotify, wherever you're listening, or if you listen on both, you can leave ratings on both. It really helps to grow the show and get it in front of more of our like-minded friends so we can grow our community.

Dr. CJ:

So here, if you don't know what to write, I want you to go leave five stars and tell me are you a leaf cruncher? If we were frolicking together on a fall afternoon, would we be fighting to step on the greatest leaves? You can drop a leaf emoji or just say I hear for the leaves. That's all you have to write in the review. I would love it. It would mean so much to me and, as always, make sure that you tag the show when you share about it on Instagram and be sure you're following Beyond your Limits pod on Instagram. All right, friends. Thank you again for being here. I love you, I mean it and we'll talk soon.