Beyond Your Limits with Dr. Christine Jehu

134. What we can learn from football, even if you aren't into sports - It's SUPER BOWL week

• Dr. Christine Jehu

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Thank you all for the incredible response to the book launch! It is such an unreal process! I can't wait for you all to be part of it - keep an eye out for all the ways you will be able to get involved with the launch and even contribute to the book!!

It's Super Bowl week!! There is so much we can learn from sports, if you are into them or not. Breaking down five lessons we can learn from football.

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Speaker 1:

What does it look like to live a life beyond your limits? Hi, I'm Dr CJ, a copy obsessed psychologist coach and your personal virtual mentor. Too many of us are holding ourselves back, placing limits on what's possible and believing the false stories in our head that say we can't accomplish a goal or a dream. Together, we will rewrite the stories holding us back, tackle barriers and limits and build an incredible foundation for going after our goals and dreams. I'm here to support you, to challenge you and to coach you through and beyond your limits. And a quick caveat while I am a psychologist, the show is not therapy or a substitute for mental health treatment. Please connect with a licensed mental health provider for those needs. Alright, are you ready to live a life beyond your limits? Let's get after it. Hey, hey, welcome back Dr CJ here. Oh, my gosh y'all, seriously, the response about the book launch and it's not even a book launch yet, it's an announcement. Holy cow, y'all are blowing blowing my mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over. And if you're new here and you haven't heard your girl's riding a book, she's on the ride.

Speaker 1:

Last episode was the first behind the scenes coaching podcast that Megan and I did, starting to share with you about this project that we are working on and the book, the book that I am writing. I y'all I can't even begin to describe how exciting this is and how unexpected, so unexpected. I have been wanting to write a book for the longest time and I have been terrified to do it and, honestly, didn't really know what I was going to write about until the universe started giving me sign after sign after sign, and friend after friend after friend kept nudging me saying you have to write about this, you have to write about the Xerofux given method, you need to trademark this stuff, you need to shout it from the rooftops. Well, here I am. Here, I am shouting it from the rooftops and I'm so flipping excited. We don't have a timeline yet of when the book is coming out, because I literally just started writing it four weeks ago, but I'm going to tell you that this book is following out of my fingertips and Megan and I are locked in to making this happen in 2024. I said to her I would love to be a published author before my 40th birthday, which is in July. So that's our target. We'll see if it happens. Excuse me, sorry, but likely.

Speaker 1:

We're probably looking at early fall, which is totally fine because it's still within this year, but obviously I will keep you posted. There's going to be so much fun around the launch. You are going to be able to be part of this book. I'm so freaking excited about the ideas around this and I will keep you posted. I'm going to get a sign up link going. I don't have it made just yet, but keep your eyes out. We'll have a sign up link so that you can be the first to know. As we're getting closer to the book launch, as you are able to be a part of this, I'm telling you your name and your ideas inside this book, inside the book. It's going to be so cool, so cool. And then, like I said, launch events and merch and a coaching program. Like all all the goodness is coming, it's coming. So that is the first exciting update and, again, we'll keep you posted on what's happening.

Speaker 1:

I also want to share that I had been talking about doing a recap of the show Special Forces and I'm going to put that on pause right now. Partially, that came about because I was struggling honestly, at the end of 2023, trying to figure out what am I doing with the podcast. You know I had a lot going on if you were following along last year after the mountain and some health things and and just really needing to step back and reset and kind of see where I'm at. And I was really excited about this show Special Forces and thought it would be a really cool way to connect with you all, share some of these ideas and insights that I have around high performance. There's such a strong mental element to that show that I think we have a lot. We have a lot to learn from and can also be entertained. However, as this book is coming to life and I'm telling you, when Megan and I sat down to start this project and start this accountability, I had no idea that the concept of the book was going to come so quickly, and so I'm needing to rearrange some things to literally manage my fucks, as you're going to learn what that is all about. As this book comes to life, you can create anything you want. Let me know down below. I'll see you in my next book. If this book comes out, I'll see you next time. Bye, bye.

Speaker 1:

Recognizing that I have a lot of things going on in my life and I've sort of had my fingers and a number of things trying to figure it out. Right like do I want to start a business? I've got a podcast, there's this cool idea over here and now this book, and part of that was how deep do we want to go? Part of how a lot of these things came to be was in a survival mechanism, keeping myself busy. Over the last 10 years, I got involved in a lot of different things but I'm not in survival mode anymore and one that's really freaking awesome, and two that means that I can now, in a healthy way, start to cut some of those pieces back and hone in on what's in front of me, and that right now, is the book. That is the book and it is my main priority, and I just oh my god.

Speaker 1:

I smile from ear to ear every time I say like I'm so excited and so when I think about, okay, to watch a show and watch it with intention and take notes and put my thoughts together and come, get behind the mic and do all of the pieces to get one episode of content for you is going to take at minimum two hours, and those two hours could be spent writing the book and preparing for that to come out into the world, and so I'm putting a pause on that. I'm reducing the extra and excess pieces that have been really exciting in my life but are not going towards the main goal, and so go. If you've been waiting for me to recap special forces to watch it, you may as well go ahead and watch it, because we may come back. I'll probably have a weekend where I just want to watch a whole bunch of them and maybe I'll come on and give some of my insights, because it is really incredible and when I watched the first season, there was a lot that was really brought up within me. So it's definitely something I want to do, but right now we are going to stay aligned and ride the wave of this book. Oh my gosh, goodness, grief, goodness, grief. Like what is that? I don't even know. These random-ass words are coming out of my mouth because I am just so excited. But anyhow, that that concept of realigning and and sort of reducing the extras goes along with what I wanted to talk about today, as I was thinking, you know what, what could I share today? And I was talking with my girlfriend and and she was saying, you know, it's Super Bowl week.

Speaker 1:

A couple of things are happening in the lives of some of the players. I guess Patrick Mahomes father was arrested on a DWI, which is a bummer and and a distraction right like what. However you feel about football or about these players, the truth is they are performing on the the largest stage within this sport, within the sport of football, and so much is scrutinized in the press and their families, obviously, are being scrutinized and talked about and all of that. And then you pull in like the Taylor and Travis of it all, who are just two humans who both happen to be on the highest stages, the biggest stages not necessarily the highest, but the biggest platform in their respective career, at the same time, and trying to support one another and all of the, the media hype that is around that. And again, regardless of what you, what you think about football, about these athletes, about Taylor Swift, there is a lot out there that that can be distracting, and so it's how do you continue to perform at a high level when something huge is in front of you and maybe some things aren't going according to plan?

Speaker 1:

And to share a little bit from my life, to take it down from the Super Bowl and the, you know, pop star of it all. In my final year of graduate school, my father died. If he's been here for a while, I've shared bits and pieces of the story, you know, of my dad's cancer, but long and the short of it is the summer before I started my PhD program. I was moving from North Carolina to Memphis from my master's program to my PhD program and my father was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and he was given six to eight months to live and he ended up living four and a half years, which is incredible in and of itself. There's a handful of podcast episodes where I share more about my dad and the loss and and the impact on me, so you can scroll back in the feed and listen to those.

Speaker 1:

But you know it got me thinking that when we think about the biggest, the biggest stage, right, we've got the Super Bowl, you've got Taylor Swift going literally around the world performing and well, it's not a very like a public stage whatsoever. Training to be a psychologist, it's the complete opposite, because you are behind the scenes and you can't talk to anybody about the work that you're doing. So very different, however, it's like the pinnacle of the career. Right, it's what we have been working for for years, years and I was literally in the in the final stage of it, was feeling on top of the world, just in terms of being connected to my craft and that final step before graduation and some energy around my dissertation, and then things with my dad started declining very, very rapidly and it had a huge impact on me.

Speaker 1:

And so when I think about, you know, performing at a high level and how do we, how do we continue on, even in the face of adversity, when we are high achievers and we're we're striving to live a life beyond our limits, I'm just thinking about a couple of things, right, and and wanting to offer you some guidance, some from my own life and some from from what I've worked with athletes and high achievers in their lives, whether they've been faced with an adversity or not. But, like, how do we keep going? Because, even if you're not faced with an adversity, there's plenty of athletes on both of these football teams that you know are are healthy right now. Yeah, they might be a little bit banged up, a little bit tired, but for all intents and purposes, they are healthy and maybe their personal lives aren't as much out there on the big stage and you know they're there, they're coming in, they're showing up and they're doing their thing every day. You know, how can we, how can we learn from this? Right? What can, what can the Super Bowl teach us? Right, even if we are not a sports person or sports baller, as I like to say.

Speaker 1:

So the first thing, right, is to identify our priority for that season, and we might say that isn't that obvious, like they're at the Super Bowl. It's to win the Super Bowl, and for me, it was Finnish grad school and, yes, that can be the overarching priority, but it goes back to the question that I often post to you all is what does success look like in this season? Because there is going to be a winner and there's going to be a loser. However, whoever ends up winning or losing the Super Bowl, that team and those athletes have had major successes, and so if they hung all of this, their success, on a win or a loss, it can overshadow everything else that they've accomplished and that they've worked towards, and so I think we really want to talk about what does success look like in this season and anticipate, yeah, if there is a setback or there is a challenge, because there will be. Then what will success continue to look like?

Speaker 1:

And you know, some people will push back on me for this to say like, oh, if we think about the negative, it's going to make it happen. No right, this is being realistic to say, hey, I'm going to be faced with something. How am I going to stay aligned? Right? I need to make sure that I'm connected to what I'm going after in a way that's going to support me and sometimes drive me, when all I want to do is put the car in park.

Speaker 1:

So, really thinking about, what does success look like in this season? What is the goal, what is the thing that we're looking for so that, as we go through this process right, and work towards our quote unquote Super Bowl, that we can identify is what's coming up in front of me aligned with my goal or not? Is this aligned and contributing to success in this season? And if it's not, then it's a hard, no right? That's where we put put that boundary up, put those blinders up, just like I'm doing with the special forces thing. It'd be super fun. I'm going to have a heck of a lot to say about it. But is that in alignment with success in this season of writing a book and striving to publish a book before my 40th birthday. It's not going to be, you know, like it's not going to not be a success if it's not published before July 21st, because I know it's still coming out this year, right, but what is going to support me in reaching that goal?

Speaker 1:

So identify the priority for that season and really zero in, right. What does that look like? What does it feel like? What do I need in my life to help me align with this goal and with what success looks like in this season? So part of what I've done is I looked around and recognized, hey, there is a lot of little things on my to-do list that was sucking energy, you know, just sort of siphoning it off the top without even recognizing. You know, my basement hadn't been cleaned out and that had been on my to-do list for forever and donations need to be dropped off and all of these pieces that I just kept pushing and pushing and pushing from one weekend to the next.

Speaker 1:

And I had a moment with myself in this past week as I'm writing this book and really taking a deep dive into truly being somebody who practices what I preach, and I recognized a lot of my energy was getting siphoned off. And so I'm making this realignment and I'm cleaning up and making sure that I'm truly setting myself up for success Getting the office straight, putting time on the calendar, communicating with my partner like what's going on and what I need and what the goal is, so really identifying that priority. And honestly, I'm taking some time with it because, as I'm sitting with what's coming right, when I'm looking towards my quote-unquote super bowl in this year, I'm recognizing that it's not going to happen tomorrow and so this idea of what success looks like might take some time to unfold as I learn this process. I am an amateur at writing a book. I have never written a book before and so I don't necessarily know what my process is going to be. And you know, as we you hear Megan and I talk about it's going to be a roller coaster. And so in this right we're aligning with the priorities while also recognizing, yes, there's going to be challenges, there may be setbacks and there needs to be space for adjustment and realignment. And so I'm kind of living in that season right, riding the excitement of okay, the season started. We're kind of in preseason here, if we stick with that sport analogy and I'm learning. Right, I'm learning some new skills, I'm building muscle and I'm preparing for the season ahead. Okay, so, identifying the priority for the season I've started talking about this second point already.

Speaker 1:

But this idea of really clear communication and boundaries with the people in your life, particularly the people who are in closest proximity to you, and then thinking about, like, okay, as I I like to think about you know, you're at the, at the center of this circle, and then there's that first layer of folks who are closest to you, and then there's another ring outside of them, a little bit further out, still close, and then further out and further out and further out. And who who needs to know what's going on in this season, what the priorities are? Obviously, you are a part of one of my circles. You may not be in my everyday, but this is a really intimate mode of connection. It's a little bit weird, right, because I'm sitting here staring at my computer with a bunch of pillows behind it, trying to like mask the sound, and I don't necessarily know who all is behind this mic listening. But I'm sharing some pretty intimate stuff with you and taking you behind the scenes and challenging you as well to dig in and do some really important work with yourself. So this is a really important space and connection, and so I'm communicating with you. Hey, this is what's going on, here's what you can expect from me, and I'm going to continue to do that as we move forward and setting up those boundaries right.

Speaker 1:

There's a saying that we teach people how to treat us right. You teach people how to treat you, and part of that is being really clear about communication, what you need out of communication and setting boundaries and then sticking with it. Oftentimes, people will tell me when they try to set boundaries, they'll say, well, they didn't understand, or they so and so just kept pushing. Well, there's this thing called a response burst. When we start to shape and change behavior within a relationship dynamic, there may be folks who sort of act out towards you. If you're like, hey, I'm going to step away from my phone from this hour to this hour, you can expect to hear from me after, say, 6pm. And then you go to your phone and you realize you have a couple missed calls and all of these text messages. We can almost expect that. And it's not that they're intentionally disrespecting you. Some people might be right, but if this is a well-intentioned person, we may just see a bit of a response burst when we're trying to reshape some behaviors and some dynamics.

Speaker 1:

So please continue to clarify your communication and assert those boundaries and, in turn, respect the boundaries that other people are setting. Have those conversations and negotiate this right, especially with the people closest to you in your life. Right, like my partner and I, we have a conversation that says, hey, what's coming up on the weekend? We're having a long distance relationship and so there needs to be intentionality around communication. And so when I say, hey, you know, tuesday night is my writing night with Megan, and I want to try to add this night of communication in it's not communication, sorry, of writing, in it's upfront. We can plan around it. We can say, okay, these are the nights that we're going to be able to connect. Maybe we watch you know, watch a movie together on another night.

Speaker 1:

But we are, we're regularly in communication about what's going on and where our boundaries are. Hey, it's a tough day at work today. I'll probably be able to text you a little bit around lunch, but otherwise I'm diving in. Cool, we'll connect after work, right, like being really clear with the communication and the boundaries and, honestly, like, folks need to know what's up and they need to know what's up and and none of this. Well, they should just know. Or well, I've started doing this, shouldn't they know? No, people don't know unless you tell them.

Speaker 1:

I had a professor in grad school once say like, yes, we're teaching you all of this stuff, but we don't know. You know it unless you tell us. So be really clear and tell us all of these pieces in your papers. This was when we were prepping for our comprehensive exams, so we cannot assume that somebody knows what's going on just because you've changed a behavior or whatever. Like, we have to be really clear and define the terms of where the relationships at at the moment and this isn't just with your partner or the people that you live with. This is with your friends, this is with your coworkers, right? Anybody who's going to be impacted. Let's have that communication. Come on, because then they can get behind you and support you, and if they aren't supportive of what you're doing, then they probably don't need to be in your life as long as you're not doing something. That's like hurting people, but that goes without saying.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so three more things that I'm thinking about, right of what can, what can we learn from the Super Bowl? And right, clear communication and boundaries is also knowing your role, right, and and calling the plays. That's. That's essentially what we're doing. When we're saying, hey, here's what's going on for the week, here's what's going on for the month. This is what you can expect from me is we're play calling, we're play calling and we can make adjustments as needed, and so on.

Speaker 1:

That idea of play calling is having really clear action plans and steps Right. So how can we be high performing going towards this big goal? Maybe it's a big pressure situation. Maybe it's at a time when we've been hit with an unexpected element right, like, I knew my dad was going to die, but it was unexpected at the time that it happened. Right, you, this is get. Let me just roll myself back because I was about to go into another, into another point. So we need to have clear action plans and we need to have plays. And if you know anything about football, the coaches have you probably see them if you watch any on the sidelines. They've got these big cards. They're laminated cards with little, tiny writing on it and oftentimes you see them holding it up in front of their face, so people can't be watching their lips and recording that and you know, trying to steal the information or whatnot, but they have. They have all of their plays and they have backup plays, right.

Speaker 1:

So part of what happens when we take this idea of the game plan and having plans for our plays for our life, that's essentially having routines right. We have built these habits, we have built these systems, we have these steps in place so that when a certain situation happens, we know what play to run, excuse me and it starts to become effortless. And we've tried it and practiced it and worked it and tweaked it. So, when we think about the season of our life, we're not going from camp to the Super Bowl. We have to have practices and we have to play games and we have to get to that point where we are executing at a high, high level. And when we have these plays, it takes some of that guesswork out right, and part of that is we know our role.

Speaker 1:

And so when you are thinking about what's your Super Bowl, what is the season of your life, what are the plays you're running, and then what position are you in, right, what role are you playing in this. So, as I'm thinking about this, right, I'm writing a book and I am the author, but I'm not the only one on this team. Megan's on my team, my girlfriend's on my team Like, they are the two people who are closest to this process, and so they are part of it, and we have action plans and we have our plays and the ways that we are going to figure out how to work through this. And so it's really important for me in this to know what my role is and not try to do other people's jobs right, like, megan is the writing coach, megan is the publisher. She's gonna edit it. That is her role. It's my role to put words on paper and to like not get in her way when she comes in to work her magic. Right, if you are the quarterback, you are not also playing defensive line. It's two completely different sides of the ballgame. So having a clear action plan and having those steps lets us know this is the role that we're playing in this season and in this goal.

Speaker 1:

And similarly, when we go back to communication and boundaries, who are the other players on your team, right, and what are their roles and are we communicating with them? Are we having a conversation and allowing them to opt in or opt out. I didn't just walk up to Megan and say, hey, this is what I need from you, blah, blah, blah. I had a conversation with her and said, hey, this is what I'm thinking, are you in or you out, right? And similarly with my partner, I didn't say are you in or you out, right, but she's like you have books in you, and so I knew that she was going to be on board with this. But it's having conversations of hey, this is how it's going to change the rhythm of the week. Let's talk about that, let's have a plan for it, let's have a game plan and a play.

Speaker 1:

And once you know we first put those routines and those game plans into action, it's going to be a little bit bumpy, and so you're going to have to make adjustments. And so I hope that you're also hearing in this that, as we are working to perform at a high level, it's not just walking into it and boom, we're at this high, high level, especially if it's something that you've never done before. Right, I have this bracelet on that says embrace the amateur, because I knew one of the things that was going to be a challenge for me when it came to writing a book was I've got the three cute little letters after my name. It's PhD People call me doctor and with that comes this, this set of expectations. Yes, I know how to write academic papers, but I don't know how to write a book, and so I'm learning the plays along the way, I'm learning my role and I'm going to stumble and I'm going to fall, but I need to train and go about this and work towards my Super Bowl in this realm.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so the last two pieces. The first one is you got to take care of your body 100%. If we can learn anything from the Super Bowl, it's that, regardless of what our craft is or what our goal is, our body, we have to take care of it. That doesn't mean you have to have six pack abs, but it does mean that we need to be getting proper sleep, we need to be fueling our body, we need to be hydrating, we need to be moving and, again, it's not going out there like training, like a football player, but it does mean get up and stand throughout the day, go for walks, do some yoga, do some stretching, throw some weights around if that's your thing, but we have to move our body. We have to take care of our body, because everything on the inside is connected and it is going to fuel that goal that we have. I mean, regardless of your if your goal is working with your hands or working with your mind, we have to be taking care of our body. Please, please, please. You have to be taking care of your body.

Speaker 1:

Having a big goal is not a reason to sacrifice your health. Yes, you may get a payoff in the short term, but I guarantee you it will not be successful in the long run If you are not taking care of your body. This vessel is what is is propelling you, it's what's getting you through this world and we have to honor it and we have to take care of it. Okay, I'm blabbing on forever, so here's the last one. What we can learn from, like what the Super Bowl can teach us, is we have to plan for and respond to, changes in the weather. Now, you may not be working on a goal that is literally dependent on the weather and I mean the Super Bowl isn't dependent on the weather, but it's impacted by it, right?

Speaker 1:

So when we look at football, if you've been watching, there was games just a few weeks ago where there was a blizzard in Buffalo and they had to delay the game. And there was, the fans were shoveling snow and they were having snowball fights and all of this. And then you got people out in California and the folks in the stands are in t-shirts and shorts, and so the game is the same in those conditions. Right, the rules are the same, the game is the same. Yet we make tweaks in response to the conditions, tweaks in response to the conditions. We're not changing the rules. We're not saying, fuck it, I'm not doing it. Yeah, they had to delay the game in Buffalo, but they still played. They still played with the same rules. Everything changed, but they made some tweaks.

Speaker 1:

When the wind is blowing, the kicker has to kick differently, right? Maybe you're not throwing as much, maybe you're doing running plays. So think about that. It's not all or nothing. The rules do not change when the weather shifts, we just tweak.

Speaker 1:

All of this fits together, right, because having clear action plans and steps means having routines and backup routines. You have your game plan A, and then we have B, c and D. Right, and we might do D when the sun is in our eyes and B might be for the snow. Okay, same game, same rules. Small tweaks Okay. So that's what we can learn from the Super Bowl High performance, high pressure or just going after some really big ass goals?

Speaker 1:

Identify the priority for the season, have clear communication and boundaries, have those action plans and the steps lined out and preparing for the twists and turns that might come your way. Take care of your body Just take care of your body and plan for and respond to changes in the weather. All right, friends, happy Super Bowl week. Oh, I'm so excited that you're here, so happy that you're here and that you're a part of this. Do me a favor share this episode with a friend. Let them know that we have some hope about this book coming out. I want to make sure that everybody who needs this book has it in their hands when we launch it, and I love you and we will talk soon.